A completely physical affair 3

Have you ever been in a position where you’re hurt by someone and you convince yourself you would wait until the person comes to acknowledge his or her wrong and also apologize? Yes we’ve all been in those shoes. If you were like me, when you see the person, your heartbeat begins to do some flips. You loose your peace until all sorted. Sometimes the person might not be a regular daily person you see so you might actually be able to live with it. This pseudo peace is usually broken whenever you read Matthew 5 verse 23-24 (Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.)

Unfortunately we don’t always have this luxury when it comes to marriage. The best you can do is to try and forget the conflict or your spouse while at work but you know you will end up in the same house, in the same room, on the same bed later during the day. Studies have even shown that marital conflicts directly impact on secular work so most times it is even hard to drown these conflicts in the sea of our jobs.

Break the ice is an idiom that all married couples should have handy at the back of their minds. What does it mean to break the ice? It is an attempt to make people who have not met before feel relaxed with each other. Someone whom you have not met before is called a stranger. What do many couples who are at the verge of separation and divorce normally say? Their statements go somewhat like this “He/she has become a total stranger to me”, “we are like two complete strangers living under the same roof”. So how did two love birds, who couldn’t sleep without seeing each other daily, who were looking forward to and eagerly awaiting marriage become complete strangers to one another. There’s just one simple answer. No one was willing to break the ice. No one was humble or meek enough to do something to melt the ice in the heart of the partner.

I give credit to my husband as the partner who attempts to break the ice anytime we have misunderstandings. I don’t know but is it a woman thing to always expect the man to do the chasing or is my husband just one of a kind? Well I had to learn this as well.

We had one very busy weekend. Coming back from a prayer vigil at 5am we had barely slept for 4hours, my husband was up to attend an important wedding and meeting. I had the house chores to do and my computer waiting for me to do some office work. I had the evening planned but somehow it didn’t go as planned. I got all worked up from tiredness at around 6pm and I had to get dinner fixed plus a toddler trailing behind me asking to have rice for dinner. My husband had already had rice for lunch so I wanted to prepare something else. One thing led to the other and by the time the two dishes were ready, my husband was lying down ready to sleep exhausted from all the talk (of course my talk). I was going to ignore him and wallow in my “I am right and I have done my best” pity party when a thought came to my mind. Break the ice! My husband has never left dinner untouched so I knew I had gone overboard even though I had some points. I went into the room and jumped on the bed and starting pulling him up to come and eat explaining over and over again why I had done this and said that (note that at this point I was still angry). Trust toddlers. My daughter thought it was all a game. She jumped in with me and together we pulled, tugged and tickled. She saying after me “daddy come and eat”, “eat your food now”. Of course, the ice melted. My husband was simply amused by the whole drama and the little actress, he started laughing. He got up, ate his food and after dinner we had a sensible talk about everything. He later apologized to me for where he also went wrong.

You would be surprised at what makes many partners go cold; very little misunderstandings that could have been settled with simple talk. It is the accumulation of these little misunderstandings that eventually turn each partner to ice and turn them to complete strangers. A wise partner knows well to make sure that every conflict is settled immediately and not left to the rising of the sun. We have another slogan in my home. Nobody goes to bed at night with a quarrel unsettled. This is because when a couple have unsettled conflicts, the devil is at hand to ensure that such an edge is widened and then he strikes as the serpent that he is. Most family problems originate from unsettled conflicts between man and wife.

So as a husband, stop living with the mentality that you are the head and hence always right. If anything goes wrong, your woman must come to apologize before his majesty. As a wife, break the mentality that the man does the chasing hence expecting him to woo you always with flowers and a box of chocolate. Let each partner learn to prefer one another. Romans 12:10(Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another ;). Be creative at settling conflicts. Be willing to talk. Be willing to break the ice. Be willing to let peace reign. Be willing to throw the stranger, the devil out of your home. Be willing to let the kingdom of God rule your hearts, mind and your marriage.

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